An IEP meeting always fills me with anxiety. I feel like there is so much riding on that one document, and I absolutely have to get it right. The last few have been great because the teachers and therapists all know and work with my son, and the school he’s at has great supports. However, we weren’t always so lucky.
At the age of three, my son moved from the Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) program into a special education classroom.
In short, it was a disaster. He hated going to school and negative behaviors appeared out of nowhere. One day the ratio was 1:1 in the classroom: three students, one teacher, one aide, and one paraprofessional who was assigned to one of the children. Somehow my son came home with a black eye and nobody knew why.
Shortly after that incident, we held an IEP meeting. The teacher wanted to discuss switching his placement to a special education center. The school claimed he needed a different placement because his needs were too high to be met in that school. I wanted him in a different placement because I never wanted him in the classroom with those people ever again.
That day, I became an advocate.
Before that meeting, I honestly thought that the school wanted the same thing I did — the best for my child. It never occurred to me that they would try to avoid doing their jobs or make excuses to deny him services (I understand that not all teachers or schools are like that. This one was).
During the meeting, his teacher told me that he either stimmed with his shoelaces or sat in the aide’s lap all day. She seemed to think that was an acceptable use of his time at school. She also withheld the communication device he was given by the Assistive Technology department. Even though she had no right to make the judgement, she decided he wasn’t capable of using it. She kept it from me. I didn’t even know it existed until the meeting.
Next, the OT told me they were reducing his OT. When I asked why, she said he didn’t have the prerequisite skills in order to get OT. In other words, she told me he wouldn’t get help because it was a waste of her time.
I may only be 5 feet tall, but I am loud. And when I go full-on Mama Bear, you can either shut up and listen or get out of my way. By the end of the meeting, I had control over his AAC device, he had more OT time, more speech, and he was no longer going to that school.
I’m not a professional by any means, but having survived a few disastrous IEP meetings, I’ve learned a few things.
Here’s my best advice if you’re heading into an IEP meeting to do battle for your child:
Actually read the booklet of rights they give you.
They have to give you that thing, and there’s a reason. You should crack it open and read it. You don’t have to understand everything, but it will give you all kinds of information. It tells you how to file an appeal and gives information on deadlines. It can even direct you to special needs resources if you need them.
Bring your own support.
As long as you give the school notice, you can bring whoever you want. Bring a whole posse if you think it will help.
Some insurance companies will cover the cost of a behavior specialist or other therapist so they can attend with you. It never hurts to ask the people who work with your child. They may be able to help the school understand your child’s needs a little better. The school may also be more inclined to listen to a professional opinion.
There are family advocates in community organizations that can come to the meeting, too. Some are free of charge. They are often former educators or have been trained in the IEP process. Look around online to find one near you. Check the booklet of rights, too. There should be advocacy groups listed there.
When all else fails, you can also have an education lawyer come with you.
Bring paperwork to back you up.
The school has to have documentation for everything they talk about. You should, too. Bring items like:
- reports or other documentation verifying diagnoses or medical treatments.
- statements from therapists/doctors with recommendations.
- recordings of your child displaying skills.
Know that any report you submit to the school will likely need to be reviewed by the appropriate person. The school doesn’t have to just take your doctor’s notes at face value (unfortunately). The school may also decide to do their own assessment, which will have to be done within a certain time frame.
You know your child. Don’t let them forget that, or convince you otherwise.
During the actual IEP meeting:
- Question the IEP team if they say something you don’t understand. Keep asking questions until you get it. If the meeting goes too long, so what. Make them reschedule. You need to understand what they’re thinking.
- If you disagree, ask the school for their reports. Skills that your child displays at home and what they do at school may differ, but it is also possible that they just have no idea what your child can do. Ask for an evaluation if they don’t have documentation of what they’re saying. They have to get any evaluations you ask for done within a certain amount of time, and at their expense.
- When you believe your child needs more services than what the school is offering, speak up. They’ll have to justify their reasoning for not allowing it. By the way — the school saying they don’t have the resources or that they don’t do that for other students is not an acceptable excuse. If that is what your child needs, the school has to meet that need. It is a right protected by law, known as “Free and Appropriate Public Education,” or FAPE. If they can’t, they’re obligated to send your child to a school that CAN meet those needs. They have to pay the tuition and provide the transportation (that’s the free part) for an appropriate school.
- If you don’t think the school got it right, you can call an IEP meeting whenever you want. The school has to accommodate that. One time I waited two months until this really terrible psychologist who derailed my son’s IEP meeting retired, then I called a new meeting. The second meeting went much better because she wasn’t there being an idiot and antagonizing everyone.
Finally, remember that you are a valuable member of the IEP team and your voice should be heard.
I wish you the best of luck at your meetings, and that they go always in your child’s favor.
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